Wolf Oak Acres

ONEIDA, NY 10/2009

by Kelly

Ah, upstate NY in the fall - apples, cider, colorful foliage, a chill in the air... and a disproportionate number of harvest festivals and farms honoring gourds! Yes, I've used that intro before (more or less) and I'm too lazy to think of another. Today we celebrate a little farm we visited in early October 2009 called Wolf Oak Acres. Wolf Oak Acres includes a mish-mash of historical re-enactments and fun fall farm activities. And stuff. And such. And so on. Etc.

Throughout this post you will see I have covered the faces of The Innocent with festive autumn leaves. I hope you enjoy this subtle seasonal detail. Now, before we enter Wolf Oak Acres, let's go over some rules.

Without addressing the obvious and egregious lack of punctuation, how many of you were astute enough to notice the one strange thing about this photo? No, I don't mean the man on the right's sassy beard. I mean the other fellow with the sassy beard, over on the left. Go ahead, look again... Yes, Kids. Abraham Lincoln is alive and well and dwelling at Wolf Oak Acres! What a delight! He even spoke at 2:30, though somehow we managed to miss it. My husband just won't hang out for political rallies!

Even Santa Claus showed up in his pajamas and his Special Blue Autumn Coat! Shouldn't he be making a list & checking it the first time about now?


Madam was headed to the blue plastic porta-potties, Porta Jons just like in olden times. They really keep to their historical accuracies here, as you can already see.


For when you need to practice riding your horse, but just don't have a... horse:

Wolf Oak Acres boasts The Largest Corn Maze In Central New York. You can see it in the background of the following photo. I feel sorry for the children who get lost in the kiddie version you can see just in front of the adult version. Really sorry for them.

We'll get back to the corn maze in a minute. But first, DUCK DERBY!

Even better? CORN CANNON!!!


This was a Bouncy-Pillow Thing-A-Ma-Bobber-Doo-Hickey. I think that's its technical name. Either that or Large Swath Of Plastic Filled With Limited Amount Of Air. It was obviously very popular this crisp fall day.


Back to the corn maze...


The corn maze boasted The Greatest Warning Sign In The History Of All Warning Signs. After staring in awe, mouths agape, Ham and I came-to, fell to our knees and worshipped this sign for several minutes. It is a work of refined beauty. The Greatest Sign That Ever Was Or Ever Shall Be! Behold!


NO THROWING CORN, lest you get a corn cob STUCK IN YOUR EYE!!! This rules 1,000 times - nay, a million times. Nay, a HILLION JILLION TIMES OVER! How can I even follow that? I should just end the article right here because it's peaking way too early. I'll give you a minute to collect yourselves before I move on (I need this minute as well). Here, enjoy a somewhat funny, but definitely lesser sign than the one above, also for the corn maze. It's awfully specific, don't you think? I wonder if there are sheriffs in there with radar guns?

Are you ok now? Have you recovered sufficiently? Go back and look at the Corn-In-The-Eye sign as much as you need to. It will always be there for you from now on. We will not remove it.

What else is there to do at this wonderful bastion of harvest-and-historical-themed goodness, you might be asking. Well...

The pig races were in something called Hillbilly Hog Arena. We missed the race, natch, so I don't have any photos. Use your imagination.

There was also this subtle little game dedicated to roping steer. Something everyone needs to practice more!


But, what's that to the right? Is it? Could it be? Why yes, it IS Price Chopper! One of the finest grocery chains in upstate NY. I never knew they had a store at this location! And look at those workers just waiting to serve us!

They even had groceries available! But, wait... that milk looks problematic...

And, uh... shouldn't this stuff be refrigerated? I don't think I want to shop here after all...

Moving on...

... I have no idea.

You also have the option of quizzing yourself with a fake cow, or playing in a huge mound of dirt. You can see which one would get the Kid's Choice Award.

Other options? Well, these kids were milking a wooden cow. The adults beyond were hanging out at something called Crazy Corn Crib. I think it was a spot for baby animals of some type, but I'm honestly hoping it was a bar. We didn't go near any of this stuff. Just took pictures from a safe distance using a zoom. I, for one, was rather frightened at this point. Too much random input! Lincoln, Santa In Pajamas, Corn Maze, Pig Race, Price Chopper, Milking Wooden Cow, Oh My!

On our way out, Lincoln was about to give or had just given his speech, and the media and paparazzi were there, just like in olden times once again.

We stayed until Terrifying Pajama Santa and Abe Lincoln began an oratory together. At this point I was sure I had ingested some bad milk from the local Price Chopper and was hallucinating or something. This picture proves otherwise. I will leave you with this photographic evidence, and the knowledge that despite my ribbing here, Wolf Oak Acres was a fun place for a quick visit on an autumn afternoon. Especially if you like bizarre historical reenactments or  have Attention Deficit Disorder!

(Posted 10/10/2010)