JUNE 2006

by Kelly

One weekend in June 2006, Ham and I took an afternoon drive out to Discount Outlet Center in Bridgeport, NY. This side trip took place at the end of a long day of sailing garages, and we were not disappointed by what we found. As you can see, Discount Outlet Center is an "AUCTION AND LA  ARKET." What? You don't understand? Well, perhaps the other side of the sign will help...

These pictures are blurry as I was sneaking pictures as fast as possible - trying not to get yelled at. As you will find out, there was a LOT of yelling going on in here. Anyway, this side of the sign schools us that Discount Outlet Center is a "FL." If you put the two sides together you'd get "AUCTION AND FLA ARKET". Leaving us to only conclude that in addition to an auction, there is indeed a flea market. Or possibly a flag or flan market, but, I digress.

We did not have the pleasure of attending an auction, but it was the "la arket" we were really  interested in. All of the shelves in the "la arket" were filled with the most randomly displayed piles of utter crap I have ever had the pleasure to browse. You would normally expect, even at a flea market, that the shelves would be stocked with some sense of order - if only to encourage people to find the items they are there to purchase. The items on any given shelf had one thing in common: they were all kitschy and ridiculous. Here is an example of a random shelf for your viewing pleasure. I have labeled the more interesting items.


Again, some of the pics are blurry because I was trying not to get caught. I wasn't using the flash unless I could get away with it.. I don't think it's against the law to take pictures of things in a store - but the woman working in there was constantly screaming like a banshee at her teenage daughter. It seems the daughter could do no right and had the nerve to play Green Day at a moderate volume when Mom left the room. The horror! The woman minding the store was actually way more unprofessional than her daughter could have ever been. And she set a terrible example for her as well. It was enough of a distraction while shopping that I was forced to look over at them more than once because I couldn't believe the scene was real. What a wonderful shopping experience! 

Here we have a few of the bizarre dolls that were for sale. I believe the one in back is a rat in a dress.

Another random shelf (yes, I spelled "something" wrong in the part pointing to the duck. Well, I'm too lazy to fix it so just deal):

The scariest doll ever. They should base a horror screenplay on this doll:

Random shelf:

Disturbing dragon-themed chess set. I have nothing against dragons or chess sets, per se, but what are some of these dragons - if they are indeed dragons - even DOING?

Who among us hasn't longed to own an electronic-psychedelic-deer-head-waterfall-clock?


Indeed. I think the "take note" was either a "you break it you buy it" sign (because we were amidst such valuables!) or one of 8,000 signs posted to warn us we were under videotape surveillance. Those videotape warnings were all over the store. As if anyone wants to steal this stuff!

And finally - one of my all time favorite "random garbage" shelves:

There was so much more to explore at this "la arket" that it necessitates a return trip next spring. Hopefully, the day will be a little more low-key and we'll be able to bring you much, much more from this incredible repository of absurdity. Stay tuned!

(Posted 11/2006)


In a fit of boredom, we decided to return to Discount Outlet Center, which incidentally, I think is actually called Robin's, although that name is only used in ads and doesn't appear anywhere on the premises of the flea market itself (at least, that we noticed). The mood in the store was a little more "low-key" this time around. A man was minding the store while the above-mentioned woman and the kids sorted items inside and outside of the store.

One of the first things we noticed was that the alarming deer clock shown above was gone, and in its place was the following bear clock...

...which is exactly the same as the deer clock, only with a bear instead of a deer (duh). Directly in front of the bear clock is the disturbing dragon-themed chess set I spoke of just before the deer clock, above. Have I said "deer clock" enough in this update yet? Deer clock, deer clock, deer clock. Now you can own an electronic-psychedelic-waterfall-bear clock! If you wanted the deer, you missed out, Suckas! (deer clock deer clock)

You know from other articles how much I freaking love these kinds of lamps...

...they're just what every home's been missing! Have I ever mentioned I hate roosters as decorations almost as much as I hate fruit as decorations? Well, I do. And, an Elvis lamp? An Elvis lamp? If you look closely, you'll even see a bovine lamp peeking through between the rooster and Elvis. Whose brilliant idea were these things, anyway?

My favorite piece of the day needs no introduction, just...behold...

...a sharp-dressed pig attending The Last Supper! Actually, I didn't even notice The Last Supper was going on until I saw the photo uploaded on my computer. Which is really weird. Really. Weird.

Enjoy some disembodied miniature animal heads holding cutlery. They're discounted!

What's quite frightening is that those are real knives, and though a small attempt was made at putting these on a high shelf, it isn't so high a kid couldn't climb up there, knock one over, and maim himself. And those are really sharp knives. I'm not kidding - just look at those suckers!

Finally, we found a videotape for the ages:

Yes, coverage of the 911= "Bomeing" Twin Towers. Honestly, I fear for the future of this country sometimes.

Well, that's it for this trip to the "La Arket." Stay tuned...we may go back someday!