MAY 20, 2007
Most, if not all, of us have hidden, somewhere in our parents' houses, mountains of embarrasing drawings we created as children. One day last year I unearthed a selection of drawings made by my sister and I that were so absurd no one in the house at the time could keep from laughing at them. I knew right then and there they had to go on the internet. I took the liberty of erasing my last name and my sister's entire name from the drawings - to protect The Innocent.
The drawing above is one of mine. Rest assured, my ears have never been that large. Nor am I such a striking shade of orange. Nor is my right leg so much larger than my left. My eyes are blue, but my nose is not. I have no idea what's in my hand or what happened to the blooms on the flowers. Other than that - completely lifelike!
One thing I noticed about drawings from school is that they all seem to be made on gigantageous-sized paper. Paper so large it just barely fits on the scanner. Some drawings I couldn't use at all because they were too big for the scanner. So, if some of the following pictures look as if they're cut-off on the sides, well, I did the best I could. I think my mother claimed they made them this big so they'd look bad on the fridge and be hard to hold up straight without magnets the strength of something designed by NASA.
Inside my "All About Me" booklet, we find the following confessions:
One thing that will strike you right away about kids' drawings is The Hands/Feet Problem. They are either non-existent or completely absurd looking. The picture above proves the former. Another confession:
I was clearly missing a comma up there (my "dog father"?). My mother also enjoyed my priorities in that sentence. My sister was not born until I was in third grade, hence she is not represented in my early work.
A confessional bit of ass-kissing:
Actually, to this day Mrs. Condon is my all-time favorite teacher. I do remember her having hands, though. As it was 1979, the world had yet to be introduced to Brooke Shields, so I doubt Mrs. C's eyebrows were that bushy.
The following is from another of my "About Me" books:
My priorities are more in order here. The sketch of my mother exemplifies the "Jazz-Hands" style of juvenile hand-drawing. My father and I were completed in the "No Hands" concept. Our dog was yellow, but did not look as if he was chained to a nuclear reactor, as he does in this drawing. Notice I erased the phrase "and me." at the end. I wonder if the teacher told me to or if I realized my own grammatical error?
The following is one of my deeper and more profound pieces:
A sports-themed work:
I just love the person working the floor exercise. It must be hard to work the beam with no hands. Well, it is a wide beam. I believe that's the uneven parallel bars on the right behind the person on the beam. I guess I couldn't figure out how to draw someone on that apparatus or maybe I ran out of time.
This one rings true today:
I guess that's supposed to be me at a desk. I don't know why I look like a leprechaun. "I am good at writeing." Bravo! Notice I did erase the extra "e" in the second sentence. Clearly, its use was necessary in the first sentence.
Here are drawings of penguins made not by me, but for me. The first was done by my sister and the second by my cousin. I have always been a fan of penguins. Thanks, Kids!
The rest of these were done by my sister (and posted with her full knowledge and blessing). Here's her perspective on our family:
Hers is the opposite of my last family drawing, above - Dad and I rock the jazz-hands here while mom has no hands at all. The dog isn't glowing yellow, yet looks a bit like a cat or a squirrel. He is smiling even though it looks as if Mom might have just punted him. Our mother also seems to have a dislocated hip.
And what do we have here?
The pig was my sister's favorite animal for a bit when she was young. Thank god the teacher labeled that one.
Ooh, a circus!
May 20th, that's today! YES! The loud lions and brown bears should be cool (even if they're "Not So Fierce"). And a hole lot more! Yeah (heh heh, she wrote "a hole").
Another view of our hand-less family:
A confession from my sister:
I like the sketch of "swimming swimming." And it must be hard to jump-rope with such long legs! Wow!
A family portrait:
I look like a peanuts character with my huge head. Sister and I are wearing sheer skirts - naughty! And we have the same wonky left shoulder - it must be genetic, but we didn't get it from Dad! He's very busy flying over us - Superman-style! I'm not sure what's up with our purple shoes - maybe they're supposed to be high heels. How did I come out so red and she so pale when Mom and Dad are clearly of the orange persuasion?
A children's classic:
Planting flowers? Lucky for my sister, Mom was Edward Scissorhands! That came in handy. My sister must have been holding her breath, as her head has turned blue.
Goodness gracious. It makes me a little frightened!
I don't even know what I can add to this one. It speaks for itself:
This one pretty clearly shows my rock-n-roll influence on my little sister:
Our family again, in what must have been a high wind:
I really, really love Mom's outfit here - the green A-line dress with the red & white Raggedy Ann leggings. I can't tell you how many times she wore that! True, I am a redhead - funny how she made a point of that. Our hands are pretty awesome. This whole picture is pretty awesome.
My sister - A Self-Portrait:
That outfit is so eighties! She really doesn't have such a giraffe-neck, I swear.
While looking through these piles of drawings I came across this letter from Highlights For Children magazine. My sister must have submitted a drawing (I would have been 16 in 1989, so it wasn't me who submitted something). Based on this post alone, imagine what their archives, I mean, their "Special File" must look like!
We hope you enjoyed our drawings!