JULY 14, 2007

by Kelly

On our way out to Old Forge, NY to visit Enchanted Forest we passed through a little town called Remsen. To put it bluntly, there ain't much going on in Remsen. It's one of those quaint, tiny towns founded in the late 1700s that you can find several of in rural upstate NY. These kinds of towns tend to have interesting antique stores, and Remsen is no different.

When we drove by the sign above, we knew we had to stop and check things out. Actually, this store was not wholly unfamiliar to us, though it had been forgotten. Ham had actually been by this store while working last year and noted the interesting man sitting out front. Since he didn't have time to visit the store, these two pictures have sat in our Project Absurd files waiting to be used, until now:

This appears to be a crash-test dummy dressed in scrubs and sitting in a metal lawn chair which is somehow attached to a dolly cart. A mysterious salute to the disabled? We cannot say for sure.

Getting back to our most recent pictures... you wouldn't know from the following photo just how much crap was piled further down the right side of the front of this building...but we'll show you!

There is just tons of stuff. We didn't see The Kitchen Sink out there, but we did find The Bathroom Sink!


As usual, there was daft signage stapled to every shelf in sight:


Christopher Pendleton, we salute your High Standard Of Excellence in Manuscript Writing!

Ok, I haven't done one of these in a while, so here goes. Here is an example of a typical shelf outside the store:

Now wasn't that fun?

Ham wandered away and found this - and old sign for the store, and a...a... thing.


Would anyone enjoy a bad poster of a golf course?

Approaching the front door we spotted this "Classy Dog Bed":


Yep, they wanted $5.00 for what amounted to an old, glorified couch cushion. You can't fool Project Absurd!

This doormat invites you into the actual store:

Why this would be an inviting image for a doormat escapes me. "Come on in! You might get electrocuted!"

This store is actually so enormous it would be impossible to show you everything absurd featured in it. There are at least four rooms, if not more, stuffed to the brim with awesomeness. All of it is over-priced. We'll just go over some of the highlights, such as this guy. I'm not sure what his point really is, but Ham says the string coming out of his mouth actually held the price tag at the end:

Please note the hideously racist sign at the bottom. "Recon Ah Needs? Lemons, matches, meat, milk, oranges..." They wanted $45 for it. I didn't remember that, I can just read it on the enormous full-size version of this photo.

One of those chock-full areas:

Enhancing the obviousness that this place is a perfect setting for a horror film, The World's Biggest Pitchfork sat up against a wall waiting for someone it could kill or maim...

My favorite find of the day (always a goodie!) - a can of Big Shot Chocolate Flavored Syrup for Milk! I had never heard of this, but the can reached out, grabbed me by the hand and exclaimed, "Be my fwiend Kewwy! Pweeeze?!"

Here is the back of the can. I am sure I am over-using the word "awesome" in this post, but I don't care. This is just awesome:

"I'm airtight and won't spoil." Oh reaaaaallllyy? This can probably dates from the late 1960s... and it's full! Like I said, I knew nothing about this stuff when I found the can. It just caught my eye with its inherent cuteness. And I couldn't believe it was still full. Well, how about this? According to a post on this site, the FDA took Big Shot off the market because it was making people sick!

I was going to say I didn't buy this because I thought it was overpriced at $39. I mean, I did think that. Until I just saw someone selling it on eBay for $195!!! No one has bid on it, though.

Moving on from my little buddy, Big Shot, Ham found himself this Positively Hideous Evil Moose:

Smokey The Bear Bubble Bath... Goddamn! Sometimes I forget just how ingenious the 1970s were! You could prevent forest fires with bubble bath!

$35.00??? Come onnn! A quick look at eBay shows someone wants $1.99 for the same bottle, albeit without the "bubble bath" sticker intact. I refuse to believe the sticker is worth $33.00.

Scary stuffed (literally) animals abound at Back Of The Barn Antiques!

Pop quiz! Quick! Can you point out The Absurd in the following photo?

That's right! The moose-head with the snowshoe on its left antler! Bwahahahaha! Oh, my sides, my sides...

...and more cleverness:

According to Wiki,

Rogues gallery is also a term in comics referring to a specific hero or superhero's recurring and most notable enemies, as opposed to nameless thugs and goons. Contenders for being in a comic hero's rogues gallery usually require some degree of obsession or at least a general overarching method and theme to their villainy, particularly mirroring the hero (a colorful costume, quirky personality, unusual weaponry, superpowers, etc.). Rogues do not necessarily have superpowers, but are usually at a power level roughly equal or near that of the title hero.

I like a place with a sense of humor!

(Posted 07/2007)